


Check Yes Or No

by Missy



Category: Laverne & Shirley (1976)
Genre: Community: schmoop_bingo, F/M, Romance, Secret Admirer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-21
Updated: 2010-07-21
Packaged: 2017-10-10 17:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/102347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laverne and Shirley develop fresh outlooks on their lives when Laverne recieves a secret admirer and Shirley considers going all the way with Carmine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Check Yes Or No

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Shotzette's birthday.

"There," Shirley said, coming back into the apartment with a laundry basket upon her hip. "I got those stubborn grass stains out of the knees of your baseball uniform." She grinned with the rapacious satisfaction of a housewife in a detergent commercial, holding out the white pants for Laverne to see.

Her audience was distracted. Laverne stared in fascinated silence at the small postcard she held in her right hand, still undressed. "Did you see anyone slip something into the mailbox, Shirl?" she asked, holding closed her robe with her left hand.

Shirley frowned. "Not since I checked it yesterday afternoon. What did you get?"

She smiled. "Nothing…"

"Laverne!" Shirley cried out, trying to see beyond her best friend's shoulder, trying to peer around her. Laverne twisted herself around in comical shapes, trying to keep her best friend from getting her hands on the slip of paper. Laverne had bent herself backward around the arm of the couch with Shirley sitting on her chest by the time her best friend got her hand on the postcard. She held it above Laverne's flailing hands and read aloud:

"Do you like me? Check yes or no." Her brow furrowed in amused confusion. "Is that from that masher on Delancy Street? I should get Carmine to handle him for us…"

"No, Shirl!" Laverne twisted beneath Shirley's body, freeing herself. "It's a secret admirer."

"Oh.." Shirley sat back and considered this. "You have a secret admirer?" Laverne didn't say anything, just sat back with her arms crossed across her chest. She expected the ear-piercing Shirley Feeney squeal of delight that she got. "We have to find out who it is!"

"Shirl!" Laverne frowned. "I don't wanna scare the poor fella away!"

Shirley paused. "You're right," she sighed. "If he's shy enough to be an anonymous admirer then he probably doesn't want to be confronted directly." Shirley shook her head as she got up. "You know, Laverne, I don't get some guys. You either have to chase 'em all around or they throw themselves at your. It's like trying to train a dog."

The door slammed open. "Hello!" Squiggy called. Laverne laughed loudly; he was wearing a pair of styrafoam wings and a top hat, not to mention a diaper. He held a little bow in his hand. Lenny stood behind him in a blue toga, wearing a long fake beard and mustache, the straps holding it together obvious behind his ears.

"Do I want to know, boys?" Shirley asked, between gales of her own laughter.

Squiggy frowned at Shirley. "If you're gonna mock, we're gonna make tracks," Squiggy declared. "It just so happens that Len and me have a surefire moneymaking plan for the Valentine's Day dance."

"What, scaring everyone into using safes?" Laverne teased.

"No," Squiggy whined.

"We're Cupid and his father…Mister Cupid," Lenny said importantly. "And WE are the spokesmen for a very important new company. Excuse me while I whip this out, girls…" Laverne and Shirley both screamed and hid their eyes as Lenny reached under the hem of his robe and pulled a small sign from beneath the hem. "Squigman and Kosnowski Incorporated Present: Matchmakers R Us," he recited dramatically.

"Fellas, you already tried a matchmaking service," Laverne groaned.

"We know that," Squiggy replied. "This is a non-blind date matchmaking service."

"Yeah, we fix folks up who already know each other," Lenny said, his beard almost bobbing up off his face.

Shirley was outraged. "What? That's a complete rip-off!"

"If by 'rip off' you mean 'best idea ever!" Squiggy replied, shaking his bow.

"Yeah, this way we figure we cut the risk of folks hating each other and blaming us right in half," Lenny said.

"That's called 'risk adressment'," said Squiggy.

Laverne shrugged. "It's not a bad idea, Shirl."

"LAVERNE!"

"I didn't say it was a nice idea," she replied, "just good."

"Boys…just get out," Shirley groaned, rubbing her temples. "Laverne and I have some strategizing to do."

"Yeah?" Squiggy asked, plucking something lacy out of the laundry basket Shirley had abandoned on the counter. "Does it have something to do with these beauties?" Lenny bit his palm and half of his beard in ecstatic joy.

"OUT!" Shirley demanded, shoving them both out the door.

****

"Yes."

"Mmmm, no…"

"Yeah…"

"No."

"YES…."

"Oh Carmine…" Shirley came up for air. Carmine was now face-down in her minimal cleavage, his mouth surrounding her right nipple, his hand making forays up and down her right thigh. Shirley's control wavered; Carmine had been so patient….heck, when was she going to have some fun? "Not on the couch," she breathed. "I didn't save it for this long to lose it on the couch."

Carmine sat bolt upright, as if he expected her to be transformed into some sort of demon. "Really?"

He didn't need to sound so vulgarly eager. "Uh huh. I don't know if I can stand, but…" She let out a shriek as the door opened, yanking her blouse closed.

Laverne drifted into the room, the mail at hand, staring at the postcard in her hand. "Hi, Carmine," she said nonchalantly, walking right into the bedroom and closing the door.

Shirley started in disbelief over her shoulder at the closed door.

Carmine pulled on his shirt. "I've gotta go."

Shirley's hand scrambled outward for his. "No, wait."

"Shirl, we can't do it on the couch with Laverne a few feet away." A hopeful look crossed his face. "Can we?"

She considered it. Every organ in her body screamed out yes, but ultimately her sense of morality won out. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "On Valentine's Day." She declared.

"Really?" Disbelief etched itself upon his features.

She waved for just a moment, but then said, "yes, really. Laverne's supposed to meet her secret admirer for dinner, and she should be out all night."

"Is that why she's been so wound up?" Carmine laughed as he tucked his pants into the. "I haven't seen her this excited for a guy she's met."

"Well, it's a very romantic situation," Shirley declared. She kissed his cheek before he got up. "Girls are suckers for romance."

"Don't I know it," he chuckled. "Saturday, Angelface…"

"Uh huh," she smiled, blushing, as they walked to the door.

He squeezed her hand just once before heading back through the door.

Shirley was less-than-pleased with Laverne when she entered the bedroom, but Laverne was lost in some sort of self-induced LaLa land. Shirley frowned down at her. "What did he say this time?"

"That he's gonna bring me a dozen roses at the dance," Laverne sighed. Shirley eyed her best friend in utter confusion.

"Laverne, what in the world's gotten into you?" Shirley wondered. "You've always told me to keep my balloon grounded, and here you are, flying off into the wild blue yonder over some guy you haven't even met before, just because he says you have pretty eyes and a great figure!"

She glared. "Maybe it's fun to get swept you in something big."

"Well, yes," Shirley sighed, opening her closet and pulling out one of Laverne's best dresses and one of her own. "It's just not like you."

"Yeah?" Laverne hung her head for a second. "So what? It's not the first time one of us has gone gaga over a guy…unless I was just imagining Carmine's chest back there." Shirley let out a shriek as she whirled around, her cheeks pink. "Relax, Shirl, I ain't blaming you." She patted her pink cheeks, hauling the dresses out of the closet. "I guess I'm not the only one who's got change in the air."

"Yes well…" Laverne leaned forward, her eyes and ears perking up in the hope of hearing some gossip. "When something happens, you'll be the second to know."

Laverne lay back with a grumpy frown. "At least I'm still in line," she teased.

"Just try this on," Shirley said, holding out Laverne's favorite black dress and unzipping the back of her own pink dress. It was time to try make-up strategies, even though Laverne would likely have no patience for it.

***

"Well, that's it," Carmine grinned, putting down his napkin.

Shirley gave him as smile as she wiped her own lips. "It was a wonderful evening, Carmine." It really had been; after his typical gig he had spirited to a small private dinner at their own booth in the Pizza Bowl. Oddly, the prospect of her lost virginity wasn't frightening, not the way Carmine watched her with his fearless hunger. While he paid the check, she gathered her black clutch purse. "Do you think we could go see Laverne?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Shirl, don'tcha think interrupting her during her date's a bad idea?"

"Now, Carmine, I don't want to interrupt them; I just want to make sure she's having a good time." Or that the guy wasn't a first-class masher, she added mentally.

Carmine stood up from the table with a grunt. "Did you see where the butler took her?"

She nodded. "She's over at the other end of the restaurant, near the bowling alley."

They parted the crowd of dancing couples and made their way to Laverne's booth. What greeted them was a pitiful sight; there Laverne sat, alone, a droopy-eyed violin player on his fortieth repetition of "Theme From a Summer Place", a pile of dirty dishes and an empty wine bottle sitting before her.

Shirley's heart cramped in sympathy, and she automatically reached out and put her hand on Laverne's shoulder. "Go away," she mumbled.

"Vernie, would you like me to stay with you?"

Laverne looked up, as if seeing Shirley and Carmine there for the first time. She gave a sad shake of her head. "I'll be okay," she insisted. "You guys go home, have fun."

"Are you sure?" Shirley worried.

She noddeded. "At least one of us should have a little fun."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Laverne said.

Shirley felt guilt tease her senses, but what else could she do? She took her purse and Carmine's hand, and left the restaurant to face her own destiny.

***

Laverne had picked up her purse and her sodden tissue and was ready to leave when a hand cupped her shoulder. "Think you could use some company, Laverne?"

She gave him a weak smile. "Hey, Len." He sat down across from her.

"So…how was mister right?"

She frowned. "He was mister forgot-about-Laverne. The guy never showed."

"Oh," Lenny played with the salt shaker nervously. "I bet he got tied up or something. There was a basketball game down at Fillmore and…"

She took his hand gently. "You're real sweet, Len, but I ain't making excuses for him. He's a dirty rat."

 

Lenny squirmed. "You think so?"

"A big jerk!" She declared, taking a bite of her breadstick.

"Yeah?"

"A total creep!"

"Hey, that's taking it too far," Lenny whined. "I mean, I'm sure he had a reason. Like maybe he got stuck helping out his best friend or something."

"Yeah?" Laverne asked.

"Yeah." Lenny scratched at his chin and whined. "I think I'm getting a beard rash."

"Lemme see." Lenny fought off her hands with a whine and slapping hands, but Laverne wouldn't be deterred. She took his face between her hands and stared at his chin.

"It's just a little red." Laverne looked into Lenny's eyes.

"I love your green eyes," Lenny said, "and you got a nice figure."

Laverne felt simultaneous surges of heat and ice climb beneath her skin. "Oh Len…"

He shrugged. "Like I said, we don't set people up with strangers. Squig and me was helping out our clients on their dates. That's why I'm so late."

Laverne sighed. "Why do you gotta be such a nice guy, Len?"

He pulled out of her grip. "Are you turning me down?"

She shook her had. "No…after all the stuff you pulled I should…but you meant well."

Lenny gave her an awkward smile. "So…d'you mind watching me eat?"

"Actually, I could go for a pizza. I didn't eat much for dinner."

"Aww, sure, anything you want – and then maybe we can dance. I got this guy for another hour."

Laverne smiled. "Thanks, Len."

He grinned. "Any time, Laverne."

***   
She finally floated home past midnight. By then, Shirley had bundled herself back into a robe and had settled in for a night of sleep.

Shirley smiled when she heard Laverne's humming. "Did he show up after all."

"Yeah," Laverne grinned. "We ate and danced, and then we necked out at Inspiration Point for a couple of hours."

"A couple of hours! Well, how do you feel?" Shirley asked.

"Like I got respect from a guy for the first time in months. How was…y'know?" Laverne winked and grinned.

"It was…." She smiled. "I think I'll tell you tomorrow."

Laverne frowned at Shirley. "You always keep the good stuff under wraps, Shirl."

"Not anymore. Night, Laverne."

Laverne could only sigh and button up her pajamas, turning off the nightlight as she lay down. "Night, Shirl."

In the darkness, she heard Shirley say, "number five, three and two."

And to the moonlight, Laverne said, "you ain't playing fair."

But with their private thoughts they fell asleep.


End file.
